


When Hope Crumbles To Dust

by lucy_wf



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Angst, Anzu-centric, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Puzzleshipping, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Prideshipping, Unrequited Revolutionshipping, but i like to make characters suffer, i actually do like anzu, no beta we die like men, this might seem like anzu bashing but i promise it's not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 04:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15065171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucy_wf/pseuds/lucy_wf
Summary: When the Pharaoh is granted the chance to stay in the world of the living, Anzu rejoices in the thought that she'll finally be able to confess her love to him - and maybe even have him correspond that feeling. But she couldn't be further from the truth.





	When Hope Crumbles To Dust

**Author's Note:**

> as I've said in the tags, i really don't hate anzu. 
> 
> i hate myself for making characters i like suffer like this.
> 
> enjoy.

Anzu couldn’t believe her eyes.

Before her, the massive stone doors had started to close, her eyes filled with tears as she’d watched the man she loved be engulfed by the impossibly bright light coming from beyond the gate. She’d seen him raise his head to look up, his silhouette now barely even visible, his jacket flaring behind him as if it were the cloak he’d worn as a king.

And then her eyes had widened in disbelief, as the doors had suddenly come to a halt, and Atem had turned _away_ from the light and towards his friends again. It wasn’t true, she noted, that his jacket looked like a cape. It _was_ a cape, flowing graciously behind the tan-skinned man covered in gold from head to toe, gold that chimed with every step he took. She stared at him in disbelief, examining his expression: the arch of his eyebrows, his wide eyes, the way his mouth was open as if in shock, betrayed his own incredulousness. His powerful voice echoed through the tomb.

“As a reward for my service to them…” A pause. “The gods have granted me another chance to live.” He said it slowly, cautiously, as if he was afraid that voicing it would somehow invalidate its truth.

For a long moment, the shrine was deadly silent, all eyes fixed on the Pharaoh, standing still and quiet himself. Anzu managed a single step forward, feeling as though her heart was about to burst with the urge to run up to Atem, to hug him and confess her love for him and never let him go again.

But then _he_ was walking forward, taking hesitant steps, still looking like he felt he was in a dream and was afraid of waking up. Anzu gawked at him, longing for those royal purple eyes to lock onto hers – but they didn’t. The Pharaoh’s gaze didn’t wander off to the side, where she stood; it was fixed straight ahead. On Yugi – who, after a moment’s hesitation, closed the remaining distance between them in a few quick steps. He grabbed Atem’s hand, squeezing it as if he was trying to make sure the other was actually still there, in flesh and blood, and brought his free hand to the Pharaoh’s face, wiping away a single tear.

Though she felt a pang of jealously, Anzu understood. Yugi was Atem’s closest friend; it was only natural he’d go to him first. She’d still have the chance to do as she had intended, to-

Her chain of thought was abruptly broken as she realized what Yugi was doing. The hand that had been on Atem’s cheek had moved to the back of his head, and Yugi suddenly used it to bring the other’s face toward his own, pulling him into a kiss.

_What?!_

Shocked, Anzu watched the Pharaoh’s reaction. He seemed taken aback at first, staring incredulously at his partner, and she found herself hoping he’d move away. But he didn’t; on the contrary, he closed his eyes and corresponded, wrapping his arms around Yugi and pulling him closer.

_This can’t be happening._

Everything seemed to freeze. Anzu didn’t hear the surprised gasps from her friends, or the deep low rumble that suddenly echoed through the room. The only thing she could acknowledge was a horrifyingly cold shiver, like a serpent made of ice slithering down her spine and twisting her insides.

She started as someone suddenly grabbed her arm; unable to take her eyes off Yugi and Atem, she didn’t look away until the person tightened their grip and vigorously shook her. It was Jonouchi.

“Anzu, we gotta go! The ceiling’s gonna fall down on us if we don’t get outta here _fast!_ ”

Only then did she notice that the entire shrine was shaking, dust and small pieces of debris falling down on Anzu’s and her friends’ heads. Before their eyes, the Millennium Stone cracked and shattered, opening a chasm on the ground, the Items nestled on it disappearing amongst the rubble. Everyone stopped to stare at it, seemingly hypnotized by the gold-sheened artefacts falling to the depths; but the spell was broken as the ground shook violently beneath their feet. Anzu saw the others run towards the exit, and yet she didn’t move, her feet firmly planted on the ground.

“Damn it, Anzu, what’s wrong with you? Move!” Jonouchi’s loud voice, his tone urgent and panicked, broke her out of her trance. She blinked at the blond boy, once, twice, and then turned around and ran for the exit. With a sigh of relief, Jonouchi followed right after.    

Outside, everyone else – Yugi, Atem, Honda, Ryou, Otogi, Grandpa, the Kaiba brothers, and the Ishtars – stood breathless, some sitting on the sand or resting their hands on their knees. They stared quietly at the sinkhole that had been the Millennium Shrine, now ruined and buried beneath the sand, until Jonouchi broke the silence.

“Well, at least now you don’t hafta decide which one of you gets to keep the Puzzle, huh?”

The light-hearted quip dissipated the tension in the air, prompting everyone else to relax, animated banter quickly rising in volume. Atem saw himself surrounded by his friends, all of them excitedly congratulating him. His fingers still intertwined with Yugi’s, he replied with equal enthusiasm and joy. Anzu felt the cold pit in her stomach get deeper and deeper with every glance and sweet smile he gave his partner.  

It got worse when Honda gestured at the boys’ locked hands and awkwardly asked: “So, uh… How long has _this_ been going on, exactly? Because I think you guys really caught us all by surprise.”

Yugi and Atem looked at each other, seemingly unsure of what to answer, until the latter hesitantly replied: “Well… I would say about five minutes?”

Their friends gaped at the pair. “ _Five minutes?_ ”, Jonouchi exclaimed. “So you just kissed him out of the blue, Yugi?”

A fierce blush taking over his cheeks, Yugi stuttered as he replied: “W-well, I wouldn’t say that _,_ but I, uh… did it on impulse? Without really stopping to think if it was a good idea?”

“You’re telling us you two had no idea you liked each other?” Otogi seemed exasperated. “How do you _share a body_ with someone and never realize something like that?”

Questions and jokes multiplied in number, with Yugi trying his best to get Atem to answer for him, but somehow the Pharaoh managed to look even more flustered than his partner.

A few steps away from the group, Anzu observed her friends, her expression completely blank while her thoughts raced at maddening speed. So they hadn’t even been a couple before? They hadn’t even been _aware_ of each other’s feelings? She started shaking as the realization hit her: _If only I had managed to muster up the courage to confess, I still could have gotten him for myself._ It was horribly selfish of her to think that way, and she knew that, yet she couldn’t bring herself to care. All that mattered was that the man she’d been pining over for the past two years had irremediably slipped out of her reach, because she hadn’t done anything to prevent it. Or maybe she’d never had a chance in the first place. Maybe Atem didn’t even like girls. She’d never _considered_ that, and now it seemed like a strong possibility.

It was getting too painful to watch the two. They were always _touching_ each other, always holding hands or having an arm around the other’s shoulders or hips, like they couldn’t bear to be separated for a single moment. Anzu guessed that probably _was_ the case. She was, of course, fully aware of how deeply they felt for each other; had been before, for so much time already, even though she would have never have suspected that they were in  _love._

But actually, now that she thought about it, she realized she probably should have seen it coming. The signs had been there, hadn’t they? Case in point, the “date” she’d gone on with the Pharaoh. Looking back on it, it became clear as day that, to Atem, it had been nothing more than a friendly hangout. But Anzu had been so excited with the prospect of spending a whole afternoon alone with him, so happy that he wanted to be with her, that she had been too blind to realize that; even when it was so obvious. In fact, she remembered, suppressing a choked laugh, out of all the topics he could have picked to talk about, he’d chosen to start a conversation about _Yugi._ And she hadn’t even made anything of it, busy as she was ogling the Pharaoh. How could she have been so stupid?  

She dragged her eyes away from the pair, and they eventually fell on Kaiba, of all people. Predictably, he stood away from the group too, arms crossed and a neutral expression on his face, but there was something strange about his usual stoic demeanour. He hid it well, but Anzu could see the twitch of his lips, the clench of his jaw, how hard his right-hand fingers dug into his left arm.

Absorbed as he was, it took him a few moments to notice Anzu’s staring.

“What?!”, he shot at her, aggressive even by his standards. She flinched a little, still shaken and vulnerable, but was quick to reply; this was a good enough chance to try and focus on something else. _Anything_ else.

“You’re very tense. Why?”

Kaiba snarled. “That’s hardly any of your business.”  He looked her up and down, a cruel smirk playing on his lips. “Besides, I could ask you the exact same thing. Your eyes are wet and you’re visibly shaking. Am I supposed to believe that’s out of sheer joy?”

Anzu gulped. This had backfired spectacularly. But Kaiba wasn’t done yet; he kept talking without even bothering to lower his voice (not that it mattered – it wasn’t like anyone was paying attention to them anyway).   

“Or perhaps it’s distress. Which is very strange. I vividly recall you looking quite desperate when it seemed like the Pharaoh was leaving for good. So it wouldn’t make sense for you to act like this now that he’s actually staying.” The smirk widened. “Oh, wait. I think I’ve got it. You’re _jealous._ ”  

The girl’s eyes widened, and she stuttered: “W-what?”

Kaiba looked incredibly amused as he repeated: “You’re jealous. You wish you were in Yugi’s place. You’re devastated that your hope was rekindled just to be mercilessly crushed again. How does that feel?”

The words cut deeply because they were so painfully accurate. How had he figured it out so easily? Was Kaiba, always so aloof and indifferent, that good at reading people?

Unable to come up with anything to say, Anzu simply looked up at him, a vague sense of panic rising up inside her – he _knew_ her secret. He knew why she was acting so weird, had guessed it effortlessly, so what guarantees did she have that the same wouldn’t happen with one of her friends, who knew her way better than Kaiba did?

Meanwhile, Kaiba made no effort to hide his satisfaction in seeing the confirmation that he was right written all over her face – so much so that his posture was now completely different from before, whatever had been bothering him apparently forgotten for the moment.

_Wait…_

Anzu suddenly realized how effectively Kaiba had managed to steer her attention away from him. She’d been left so worried about her secret getting exposed that she had forgotten about her own question. It was smart of him, but it also revealed that he had indeed been bothered by her question. Anzu wasn’t going to let him get away with it.  _Kaiba may be smart, but I’ll be damned if I can’t figure things out myself._

Mustering up all the determination she could, she turned up her nose and retaliated. “Oh yeah? And how about you stop avoiding _my_ question? You’re acting just like me, but that doesn’t make sense. No way you’d be irritated because Atem’s staying! I know you still want to defeat him! It’s completely out of character for you to act like that when this means you still have a chance to settle your score.” Kaiba’s eyes narrowed dangerously, in a _don’t-you-dare-finish-that-argument_ attitude, but at that point Anzu just didn’t care anymore. The conclusion rolled off her tongue effortlessly. “Unless you’re jealous too.”

Though she’d mentally censured Kaiba for his previous display of smug, cruel satisfaction, she found just that in the way the man seemed taken aback, as if he hadn’t expected her to stand her ground and attack him back like that. Of course he wouldn’t have. He’d always seen her as a secondary character, one of the people who simply stood on the side-lines because they were too weak to do anything by themselves. In his mind, it was probably only natural to think that she’d be too hurt and scared to retaliate after he’d guessed something so important about her. Well, he was wrong. She was in pain and had nothing to lose; he’d see just how sharp-tongued she could be, without any filters on her accusations. And this one had hit hard, apparently: Kaiba, always so good at hiding his emotions when he wanted to, was visibly _furious._ It took Anzu by surprise: was she actually right?

“ _What_ did you say?”, he hissed at her. “Do you have a death wish or something?”

The girl gaped at him. _Kaiba likes Atem too?!_ It… did explain his strange obsession with the Pharaoh, which had always seemed too intense to be a simple rivalry. It _did_ make sense. And now, his over-the-top reaction, plus the lack of actual denial, were more than enough to confirm she’d been right on the money.

Kaiba seemed to realize this too – he was visibly mad at himself, his expression shifting to a scowl as he understood that he’d given the truth away, and that it was pointless to try and go back now. “Hmpf. Aren’t you so proud to know my little secret.” Anzu still looked astonished; he sneered at her, his tone menacing. “I don’t  _care_ what you think of it. Just remember I know yours too.”

Incredulous, the girl snapped at him. “Did you just _threaten_ me, Kaiba?” She felt her initial numb denial and apathy morph into rage – and Kaiba was the perfect target to take it out on. Her next words were a low hiss. “Do you really think I’d use this as leverage against you? That I’m on _your_ level? Low enough to want that kind of petty revenge – even if it’s against someone like you, who actually deserves it!” Kaiba opened his mouth to retaliate, but Anzu didn’t let him. “No, you shut up and _listen!_ Yes, you’d deserve it! You just had to rub this on my face, didn’t you? And it’s even worse if you feel the same way!” The tears that had been prickling at her eyes for so long were now rolling down her cheeks, her voice coming out in quiet, choked sobs. “If you feel like I do, you understand. You know how much it hurts, and yet you just have to rub salt on the wound!”

The tall man didn’t look phased by her words in the least. “If you let this kind of remarks get to you like that, you are clearly incredibly naïve. This is just how the world works; people figure out your weaknesses, and they use them against you. You should be used to it by now. Instead, you gave me the opportunity to take advantage of your weak spot.”

“It’s always about that with you, isn’t it?”, she replied bitterly. “The best way to hurt others. You’re a horrible person, Kaiba Seto! I doubt you even have the ability to truly  _love_ someone!”

Kaiba’s gaze pierced her, cold and unforgiving as ice, but before he could reply, Atem’s voice startled them both. “Anzu, Kaiba, we’re going back to the boat now, do you-“ He abruptly stopped talking as he noticed the girl’s tears. “Anzu? Are you alright?”

Momentarily paralysed by the Pharaoh’s sudden appearance, it took her a moment to collect herself enough to answer. Eventually, she managed to force a bright smile. Kaiba seemed mildly impressed.

“Of course I am! I’m just so happy for you, I couldn’t help crying. I’m sorry I worried you.”

Atem smiled back, and Anzu felt her heart split in two. He really was completely oblivious, wasn’t he? Beside him, Yugi looked the happiest she’d ever seen him, a light pink blush having apparently taken up permanent residence on his cheeks. “Kaiba-kun, are you going back to Japan alone? You could come with us if you wanted.”

The offer was met with a disdainful scoff. “As if I’d want to spend any more time with the dweeb patrol. Especially now that I have to put up with _both_ of you at the same time.” The neutral, indifferent mask was firmly back in place; his expression betrayed nothing of his true feelings. Anzu envied him. “Mokuba, come on. Time to leave.” The boy protested a little, but eventually he said goodbye to everyone and ran to catch up with his brother, who’d already started walking away in long strides – not before shooting one last glare Anzu’s way. The _open-your-mouth-and-you’re-dead_ kind of glare. Anzu firmly held his gaze, refusing to give him the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of her.

A few minutes later, Isis spoke to the group. “Shall we go, then? We still have a long way to walk until we reach the boat.”

The party got moving, their lively chatter lost in the desert wind. The Ishtars led the way, along with Jonouchi and Honda, engaged in conversation with Malik and Rishid. A few steps behind, Ryou and Otogi laughed at something Grandpa had said; walking beside them were Yugi and Atem, _still_ holding hands, still only having eyes for each other. Anzu watched them, noting how the Pharaoh smiled or even _blushed_ every time Yugi whispered something to him, his voice too quiet for her to make out the words. Her eyes threatened to fill with tears whenever he replied in a tone of voice she’d never heard him use before; a tone so soft and sweet that it was hard to believe it was actually coming from _Atem,_ always so imposing and commanding.

Eventually, Anzu decided she’d had enough. She quickened her pace, ignoring the sand filling her shoes, and walked past the pair, settling next to Isis – far enough that she could no longer hear or see them. Noticing the girl, the former tomb keeper turned and smiled at her, but the smile turned to a frown as she realized how distressed she looked. The concern in her voice was evident as she asked, “Is there something wrong, Anzu?”

Yes, yes there was. The man she loved had miraculously, against all expectations, gotten a chance to live the life he’d been denied three thousand years before, given her the hope that maybe he’d want to spend it with _her,_ only to fall right into someone else’s arms. Only to make it clear that she’d _never_ have him, even now that he was staying, because she wasn’t the one he wanted. That was what was wrong.

“No, of course not! Don’t worry, Isis.” It was as if she’d gone back in time a few minutes, forcing herself to answer Atem’s similar question with a smile once again.

Isis still seemed unsure, but she nodded anyway. “I see. I apologise for bothering you, then.” After a moment of apparent indecision, she added, “Still, if you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask me.”

Her concern was genuinely comforting, even if just a little, and Anzu was grateful for it. “Thanks, I will.”

Nobody else tried to speak with her afterwards, and she honestly preferred it that way. She let her feet carry her along the rest of the way; her head tilted down as she focused on her steps, watching her shoes sink into the sand time after time after time, she counted the marks she left on it.

_One, two, three, four…_

 

* * *

 

 

Anzu made her way to her room as quickly as possible, wanting nothing more than to lock herself in and just be away from everything, at least for the rest of the night.

Hours had passed since they’d gotten back to the boat, hours that the group had spent celebrating both the fact that Atem was staying and Yugi’s victory – with no hard feelings on the Pharaoh’s part, of course. It had been incredibly hard for Anzu to try and mimic the others’ euphoria, exhausting her both physically and emotionally. But she knew that her friends would undoubtedly bombard her with questions if she looked visibly unwell or tried to go to her room early, and that alternative seemed far worse than just enduring a few hours of pretending to be fine. So, she had done her best to smile and laugh and pretend to have fun.      

Just as she was about to enter the bedroom, her hand already reaching out to the door handle, she heard what sounded like muffled giggles and whispers coming from the opposite end of the corridor. She froze in place, knowing all too well who the two voices belonged to.

Sure enough, the next moment two unmistakable heads of hair were turning the corner. They seemed to be in a hurry; Yugi led the way, holding hands with Atem – who was half-walking, half-jogging, in an attempt to keep up with his partner. He was still dressed in his royal attire, gold glistening everywhere on his body – on his ankles, on his fingers, wrists, and arms, around his waist, on his chest, dangling from his ears, resting atop his forehead. But Anzu’s attention was caught by the single piece of jewellery that stood out from the rest, a drop of silver in a sea of gold: the cartouche.

The cartouche that _she_ had given him.     

Anzu gulped. The little silver pendant was hypnotizing, hanging from the Pharaoh’s neck almost _mockingly,_ as if deliberately intending to add insult to injury, and she found herself unable to drag her eyes away from it.

Suddenly, Yugi – who’d been looking back at Atem – seemed to notice her standing there. He stopped walking abruptly, a look of surprise on his face, causing Atem to bump into him. Yugi quickly apologised over his shoulder, before turning back to Anzu. “Ah, Anzu-chan! Are you going to sleep too?”

Oh. Right. Yugi’s room was right next to hers, wasn’t it? She bit back a bitter smile, and couldn’t help but to think that the Universe seemed to be conspiring against her on purpose.

“…Yes, I am.”

On any other day, Yugi would have noticed something was wrong. He would have noticed the slight tremor of her voice; how much she was struggling not to break into tears. But today, Anzu was certainly nothing more to him than a passing thought, something secondary that wouldn’t get his full attention.

And so, Yugi simply smiled at her as he cheerily replied, “Good night, then!”, before opening the door to his – their? – own room and going inside, Atem following right after with nothing more than a wave and a rushed “good night”. Seconds later, the door had been shut, leaving Anzu alone again in the empty corridor.

For a few minutes, she simply stood there, staring so fixedly at the closed door that it almost surprised her how she didn’t carve a hole in it. Eventually, though, she managed to step away, her movements slow and mechanical as she finally entered her own bedroom and locked the door behind herself.

With her back against the door, she let herself slowly slide down, finally allowing her tears to trickle down her cheeks once again. It was pathetic, she knew, how she was choosing in indulge in self-pity instead of just accepting the situation and moving on. It was pathetic how she couldn’t even bring herself to feel more than jealously toward Yugi, how she was incapable of hating him for stealing Atem from her, because she knew that just wasn’t true. It would be so much simpler if she could just convince herself that Yugi was at fault, that he had done it on purpose just to spite her, but she couldn’t. She knew that he was too kind-hearted to ever do something like that, and she knew his devotion to the Pharaoh was genuine.

And Atem seemed so happy, too. Happy to be at his partner’s side, now without their time together slipping away from them like sand slipping through someone’s fingers, now with a lifetime to share with each other. She had no right to even _think_ of taking that away from him. 

_Still, it hurts_ , she thought, idly playing with her shoelaces, her head resting on her knees. Like a faint but persistent ache tugging at her chest, dormant, but _there_. Anzu wondered if it’d ever go away; it certainly felt like she’d never get rid of it.

Maybe she’d get over it. Maybe she wouldn’t. But she had to come to terms with the fact that, whatever her feelings were, she couldn’t let them affect Yugi and Atem. _They deserve to be happy. Both of them. They’ve been through so much, and…_ The logic was sound, and yet her tears kept flowing, leaving little dark circles on the floor

Hugging her knees closer to her chest, she sighed. _Broken hearts don't listen to reason._ And hers sure felt like someone had decided to crush it with a heavy hammer.

 _Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll think about all this._ Anzu suddenly felt so tired, her body weak and almost sore, her thoughts slowing to a crawl. She just wanted to sleep. At great cost, she managed to drag herself onto the bed, laying down without bothering to take off anything but her shoes. Yes, sleeping sounded like a great idea. A way to shut off her mind from everything and have a few hours of peace.

Her eyes fluttering close, it didn't take long for her to drift into sleep, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as her mind finally decided to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> well... hope you liked this mess!
> 
> I'm not really happy with the title, I might change it if I come up with something better. feel free to suggest one if you want.
> 
> feedback is very appreciated, I'd love to know your opinion~ 
> 
> (if you're wondering where the next chapter of "cast a spell on my heart" is, don't worry! I'm working on it. exams ended today and I should be able to get it done soon enough. this fic was already almost finished, so I decided to post it first.)


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